in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
