At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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