I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
