Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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