So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
