I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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