there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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