I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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