I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
