He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
