so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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