Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
