but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
