Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
