Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
