I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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