I'd wear matching sweaters with you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize