my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
