If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
