Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
