So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
