Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
