remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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