i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
