so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
