he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
