we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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