hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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