Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
