did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
