I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
