God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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