She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
