this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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