Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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