you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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