I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
