Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
