So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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