had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize