K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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