Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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