God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found your dick twin last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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