hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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