i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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