Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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