he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
