Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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