Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
