i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
