Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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