He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
