the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
