oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My feet surprised me
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