I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
