Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
