I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
