I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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