So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
