I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
