Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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