I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
