my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
