I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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