I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would fuck him just for his dog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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