you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
