Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
