Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
worst night to have a conscience
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
