Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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