Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ugly people sure do ruin things
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
