forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
