Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
