Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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