id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
