first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it because I queefed?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
