I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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