I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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