Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
