On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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