I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
