that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
